Nelda …. Most Beautiful Girl in the World
(Skyjay Iced Coffee) 21.2.05 – 22.6.17
News isn’t good. It’s an aggressive tumour – a Hemangiosarcoma on the spleen. Her red blood cell count is down and she is going downhill fast. The tumour might rupture. She won’t get better and I don’t want her suffering.
I was there when she was born and now I’ve booked a time for her to die ... tomorrow. I am overwhelmed with sadness and grief. My life is on hold.
I love the smell of her hair and the way she groans when I give her an ear scratch. Her tail is still wagging even though she is so sick.
We spend some in the garden, watching the sunset and sitting on the seat she loved to jump up on. We sit together hugging. She loves to hug.
So many things to love and to remember. Her little white toe nails. Her big bad bark. She would have died protecting her family.
She came to my bed this morning to let me know she needed to go outside. Usually she rings the bell. I’ll miss her beautiful curly head I touch first thing in the morning. I’ll miss her ringing of the bell.
Our last night together. It doesn’t seem possible. A last meal. The familiar routine that will be gone tomorrow.
We know each other so well. A beautiful friend. The conversations, the walks, the adventures, the understanding, the love. It will be over.
Remembering all the special things she did and always so eager to learn. Helping children, making movies, making people laugh.
Our New Year’s Eve holiday to keep her safe from the fireworks. This year, we’ll go without her and remember. We’ll raise our glasses.
Tomorrow night there will be an empty bed and a hole in my heart where a very special dog lived and breathed.
How do I let her go? Tonight I am holding on like there’s no tomorrow. How I wish.